I also did at that age know a few things that I hadn’t really confronted in my youth – I was a wanker, and not only sure about that but very happy to be. I was still very naive even when I was middle-aged. There was no Internet, and although I’d seen stocking-tops, knickers and cleavage on TV, you rarely saw topless or nudity (stocking-tops, knickers and cleavage was more than enough for me, and I’d often cum in my pants seeing girls show their knickers.)There was not even satellite TV then, and though I saw the (censored) covers of porn mags in shops in Soho, you only got glamour mags in the corner shop. VHS tapes had been introduced, and in my dirty bookshop, they were playing one on a TV for the first time. I didn’t realise that’s what it was when I went in, and of course headed straight for the big tit mags. I struggled to the counter with a stash of dirty books to hand them to the lady to pay for them, and was stunned to see a man and a woman on the screen, doing something odd.. Funny, when we first met, and married, we had a satisfying sexual relationship. When she started having the affairs, I lived a life of celibacy, not wanting to be the one who stepped out on his spouse, so she could ask me for a divorce." Michael was my first lover, I was a virgin when we married. That was important to me, that I was able to give him that part of me, on our wedding night. I haven't been with another man either. I know that celibacy is not easy, the urges, the desires, don't just go away. They linger on, a sweet torture of what once was. Michael and I had a wonderful sex life. When we found I couldn't conceive, well, I was devastated. Michael was so loving and caring, he would have been a great dad." Just as you'd have been a wonderful mom," he told her gently. "Thanks, but I'm not so sure. My own childhood wasn't that great, and we learn how to parent, by the example of our own parents. I think it's a blessing now, that I didn't have to raise a child on my.
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